Why I Am Not A Sommelier

Wine is confusing to me for several reasons. I love reading the descriptions of different wines: "rich apricot overtones", "hints of melon and cantaloupe", "smoky oak", "jasmine and vanilla notes", "creamy follow-through", "approachable tannins," etc. I can never taste any of those things when I drink wine though. To me it's tart, somewhere along a sweet/bitter continuum, with an alcoholic bite. Where is the cream? or the vanilla? The other thing is that it never tastes the way the color looks. I keep buying pink wine, thinking it will taste like peaches and nectar, or red wine, thinking it will be like pomegranate, but it never is. Clearly, I'm going to need more civilizing than Beethoven alone can accomplish.