A girl with a huge vase full of flowers sat down next to me on the bus - lilies, irises, roses, baby's breath. I smiled and said, "Is it your birthday?" She gave a short ironic laugh and said, "No, I wish!...just someone being kind." I said automatically, "That's nice."
Then I thought about it some more, what someone being kind meant, and realized she must have had something bad happen to her, maybe a death in the family. I shouldn't have said anything at all. The last thing she needs is nosy strangers assuming things are good, when they're the opposite. I also felt a little awed, that people around me might be coping with things like their parents' deaths, miscarriages, losing their jobs, cancer diagnoses, or any number of other catastrophes - and my life is so sunny and free in comparison. It's like I'm skating under the radar. I feel almost guilty that nothing like that has happened to me, and terrified of how I will cope if it does.
1 comment:
I have that "survivor's guilt" a lot, especially when my husband and I see friends' marriages break up. We have a good marriage, a solid one, despite (or more likely because of) many things we've experienced the last 15 years as a couple. We have our bad times -- every healthy marriage does -- but we don't have the pain and bitterness that have blighted so many, and we're thankful.
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