Chivalry

One of the bus drivers I ride with occasionally has a one-man chivalry crusade. Several times during the bus trip, he'll clear his throat and make a little announcement, like "Now I know there are some fine gentlemen on this bus. And they know it's not right for a lady to have to stand. So I'm sure they'll be happy to give up their seat and let the ladies sit." What's funny to me is how this announcement, which I'm sure he intends to be nice, makes people uncomfortable is such a variety of ways.
- The men who are sitting feel uncomfortable because they feel like they just got called rude.
- The women who are standing feel uncomfortable because they didn't think the men were rude, but the announcement makes it sound like they expected to be given seats.
- Some of the men, on hearing the announcement, get up and offer their seats to women. This makes men who did not stand up feel like they were rude.
- Some of the women, on being offered seats, decline them, to show the men that they didn't think they were rude. This makes the women who accepted seats feel rude.
- After a little while, if there are still women standing, the driver will repeat his announcement. Then the men who offered their seats and were told, "no, it's ok" feel bad all over again, because they did offer, and now they're being chastised since there are still women standing.

Meanwhile, on exiting the bus some women pause to say, "That was nice of you," to the driver, thus reaffirming his belief that this is a good thing to do, and ensuring that he will continue to do so.

What an amazingly complex social landscape we live in.