Expectations

It seems like a lot of people are suddenly laying expectations on me, that I never asked for (or expected, ha). Mi amigo, who now starts work earlier in order to waylay me and try to get me to speak Spanish, asks every time he sees me whether I have been studying, and tells me that I need to. Why?? Yeah, it would be nice if I could say more than "Hola" and "no comprendo," but why, out of all the people at my office, did he decide I need to learn Spanish? and why would I anyway - just so I could chat more with him? when I already tense up every time I see him, and wish I could sneak out the back door?

Then there's religious expectations - which, granted, are up a notch this week because it's holy week. But they're just going to intensify as it gets closer to the wedding and the forces of Catholicism and Episcopalianism duke it out over my soul.

Then there are general work-related expectations - that I do all the assignments first, that I give everybody's work top priority, and do it all with a smile. The bombardment goes up and down in intensity, but never quite goes away.

I wish I had an office with a door I could close, so I could control my work environment better. My territory is public space, and people use it as such - sitting on my desk, leaving their things there, and talking to me as long as they want (not as long as I want). That's more or less what it's like to be an introvert in all walks of life, I think. Other people use you. They control the conversation, not you, and they decide when you are allowed to leave. They even say things like "you're nice" or "you're easygoing" or "thanks for your patience." I'm not nice. Or patient. If I had a choice, I'd leave. Or yell at them. Someday there's going to be a breaking point, and some person will be innocently talking at me about their day and ignoring all my efforts to escape, and I am just going to scream, "Fuck you!!!" and run away.