Engaged...I Think

Last week was skating on ice - I wasn't even sure where we stood, and though we treated one another with a kind of grateful, eager affection, I still didn't feel sure of him. I didn't want to push.

On Saturday, someone asked him, "So, what have you guys been up to?" and he answered cheerfully, "Well, we got engaged." I felt a surge of happiness and relief. Hearing him say the words to someone else makes them real. Yesterday, when the two of us were having dinner with my family, I told them. Smiles all around - my mom hugged me, and my dad shook his hand. I don't feel eager to tell a bunch of other people, like friends and coworkers. I know the girl is supposed to be excited and bubbly about her new status, but I don't feel excited that way, just relieved and mildly anticipatory. I don't think being married will feel much different - I will just be more sure of him, and we can finally start planning for the future. It's like I've been walking with a black curtain hanging always two feet in front of me, receding as I walk forward, and now suddenly the curtain has parted and I can see further ahead.

There are still hurdles. His reticence with my family. They'd be happier for me if he made more of an effort to be friendly with them, instead of eating dinner in silence, and if he participated more in family conversations, instead of hiding behind The New Yorker whenever he comes over. I know they don't know how sparky and fun he is, because they only see him when he's dour/serious. Perhaps the friendliness and ease will come with time. My atheism will be an issue for his family, too. I think they like me, but they'll probably fuss when they find out I don't want to have a Catholic church wedding. I hope he'll be willing to stand up for me - since that's not something he wants either.