I read some great quotes recently in a collection of essays about motherhood. Here are two that really struck me, by Anne Roiphe:
There is inherent in motherhood a continual giving up of self, and few of us take to that without resentment, which itself creates a river of guilt.
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There is inherent in motherhood a continual giving up of self, and few of us take to that without resentment, which itself creates a river of guilt.
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The hard truth is that our ability to appreciate something is affected by the time we devote to it. Whether it is a person or a pursuit, one way we treasure it is through the time we give to it. The more time we spend on a relationship (with a child, with nature, with a piece of music), the more we know and the more we appreciate, and the more facets there are to love.
I don't think I have a river of guilt about being a mother, but perhaps that's just because I'm lucky enough to have a flexible schedule, so I have a lot of time to spend with her. I also don't have outside forces in my life pulling me to do other things besides take care of her. But I can still sympathize with those feelings of resentment and guilt. Especially in the early days, she needed me so much and spent so much time screaming, and I just felt like my constant, patient, loving efforts were going unappreciated. But then she stopped screaming and started smiling and looking around her at the world I was only too glad to show her. And now she is full of giggles and so much fun to be with. The second quote just reminds me that there's no need for me to be stressed or feel overburdened - everything I take on is a choice. So I might as well lavish the time on without regrets and enjoy the experience.
I don't think I have a river of guilt about being a mother, but perhaps that's just because I'm lucky enough to have a flexible schedule, so I have a lot of time to spend with her. I also don't have outside forces in my life pulling me to do other things besides take care of her. But I can still sympathize with those feelings of resentment and guilt. Especially in the early days, she needed me so much and spent so much time screaming, and I just felt like my constant, patient, loving efforts were going unappreciated. But then she stopped screaming and started smiling and looking around her at the world I was only too glad to show her. And now she is full of giggles and so much fun to be with. The second quote just reminds me that there's no need for me to be stressed or feel overburdened - everything I take on is a choice. So I might as well lavish the time on without regrets and enjoy the experience.
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