Then and Now

Feeling happy and lucky today. Sometimes I think back to my college days, or even high school, which were wonderful times. I remember staying up all night talking with my friends about life, the universe, and everything - the kick-ass play that we wrote together in high school - the afternoons I spent sitting on my dorm windowsill overlooking the quad, full of angst and loneliness, feelings of such overwhelming sadness that it was like a fierce joy inside me. I was usually lovelorn over some guy or another - or over love in general. It was how I wanted to be. The experiences I had in those growing-up years made me who I am, and I am glad to have had them. But when I compare that life to my life now, I can see that I have a baseline level of happiness now that I only used to achieve then on a particularly good day. Back then, I was ecstatic if I saw the guy I loved on my way to math class, if we exchanged a wave or a few moments of platonic conversation. Now, I get to see the guy I love every day. I get to kiss him! I'm allowed to hold him, and see affection in his eyes looking back at me. It seems nearly too good to be true.