Special-Needs Girl

I'm editing a book about special-needs kids and educational strategies. The whole process is presented as being very encouraging and caring - if Tier 1 strategies like working in small groups don't help a kid who's having trouble learning to read, then the team meets to develop plans for more intensive interventions, like working one-on-one with a teacher to practice reading skills. There's never a word about blaming the child. It's all very positive and geared toward just helping him or her get up to speed. The underlying theme is that if a child is trying and not succeeding academically, it's not a personal failing, it just indicates that the child would benefit from a little extra help.

I like this philosophy so much - it's really refreshing and I almost feel like I'm getting a bit of therapy on the side, just from reading it. Because I am so angry at myself and ashamed of being infertile. I keep blaming myself for it, half-hoping someone will say "It's not your fault," but no one ever does, so I go right back to mentally bashing myself. There are these messages floating around and getting into my head that if I just relaxed, or tried harder (whatever that means), or ate better, I would get pregnant like all my friends who get pregnant without even trying. Which boils down to my infertility indeed being my fault.

Anyway, as I'm reading this book I have such sympathy with the kids who are struggling to learn to read, a basic skill that everyone around them seems to be picking up with no problem, and I can imagine how frustrated and sad they feel, and how painful it is for them to judged "stupid" by their peers. And what a breath of fresh air, like a guardian angel, a reading therapist might be, someone nonjudgmental who knows that they're doing their best and can sweep in to help them before they really sink into the mire of self-hatred. That's what I need. An infertility therapist to come save me.