In the spirit of Sophia's list, here are the things most commonly said to me these days:
"Hi mommy!"
"How's the baby?"
"You're getting big!"
(These three are actually said to me every morning, in this order, by the same person. I'm running out of ways to reply creatively... maybe I'll just fall back on "hi, good, yep" every single day.)
"How are you feeling these days?"
(This one is nice; it leaves it open-ended whether I want to just say "pretty good!" and leave it at that, or delve into pregnancy-related talk.)
"So do you have your nursery all set up yet?"
(Argh. No. Our plan is to be terrible cruel parents who scar their child for life by denying her a theme nursery.)
"How many months?"
(This one always throws me off. How many left, or so far?)
"When are you guys moving?"/"Why aren't you moving?"
(You would think we were the only people ever to consider having a baby while living in an apartment.)
"Do you know what you're having?"
(A human, I think...)
"Excited?"
(Yep!)
and of course the inevitable
"Was it planned?"
Sometimes I feel glad that my personhood is currently subsumed by this project of ours. I don't have to prove all the time that I'm an interesting, creative, smart person. All I have to do is sit around, being pregnant, and people are automatically interested in me. It's nice always having that topic of conversation available.
But in the back of my mind I know this is temporary - pretty soon I'll be back to just being me, with the responsibility to be interesting on my own account. Then I'll have to find time to write, and go to dance class, and see art movies, and do other things so that people don't think my whole identity is "mommy."
And sometimes I get flickers of irritation that everyone is so focused on the pregnancy. I want to be liked for myself, not my burgeoning belly. It feels like I'm wrestling with people, trying to guide the conversation to something - anything - other than pregnancy. I feel like saying, "I'm still in here, you know! Still the same person you've always known!"
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2 comments:
hi erin! Glad to hear things are well with the baby, i don't want to burst your bubble, but things don't go back to being about you...EVER! It will be all about the baby everywhere you go, your once upon a time best friend, your families, and even strangers in the grocery store. It will seem like, "as long as you bring the baby, you can come" even though people don't say that, you feel like that is the deal. But don't get me wrong it is all good, it all just works itself out. You just get used to it! It is so exciting that it is getting so close! Trust me, as I read your blog entries I smile because so many of them I can relate to, I had all those thoughts and feelings, I sat and cried A LOT, i worried and fretted, my mind spun at a million miles/hr the entire 9 months, but come to find out it was mostly hormones, it just works out, I PROMISE, things just work themselves out! My prayer for you is peace and an easy delivery:) Keep us posted!
Aw, thanks! I wish I knew you in real life. You always say things that make me feel so much better. :)
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