Vampires and Body Image

I saw New Moon last night. My husband and his brother were going to see Avatar - which seems pretty cool, with the 3D glasses and all - but I wanted to see vampires & werewolves (and New Moon was my favorite book in the series) so at the last minute I went to that instead, by myself. I'm glad I caught it while it was still in the theaters. And I'm glad I watched it on my own. I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much if I'd had to drag anyone who might find it less absorbing than I did.

For me, it was all about the fantasy that you can be unfriendly and mysterious and sit at a lunch table by yourself gazing out the window wracked with sorrow, and others will find that alluring. When I was in high school and didn't have friends, and was full of unrequited love, no one cared. Everyone was too absorbed in their own dramas to even notice.

I might sound critical, but I thought the movie was great. I was in it, from the first scene to the last, drinking in the beauty of snowy complexions and wind-blown hair, the tensions of adolescent romance, everything against a backdrop of magnificent pine woods and cliffs. I loved the werewolf fight. The soundtrack brought just the right element of pathos and intensity.

Afterwards, I looked at my body in the bathroom mirror and felt... ugly. My body sags in the wrong places ever since I had a child, and my hair is rough, not shining, and my skin is dry and ordinary. I wish I still looked like I was seventeen. I almost want to cry, thinking that I never will again. In New Moon, everyone loves Bella because she is beautiful and sad, but there is nothing lovable about being ugly.